On the side of the undecided.

I want to support Hillary.  I want to support Barack.  I am conflicted and therefore, paralyzed.  I want to feel committed to one candidate and I DON’T.  I am trying to make a choice based on the issues and I CAN’T.  I want a woman.  I want an African-American.  I want change, and to me both represent change, opportunity, hopefulness.  I’m trying to figure out why it’s so difficult for me to decide.  This is a place I’ve never been before in national politics.  If I support Hillary, then am I betraying the young people and African Americans of this country who are passionately behind Obama, who have been inspired, who are resonating to the vision, the dream of a better world where equality and justice for all has tangible meaning?  If I support Barack, am I turning my back on my gender, women’s struggle for economic and social parity, the civil rights of womanhood?  I’m trying to sort out the nuances in their platforms that would make it easier for me to decide on what’s important to me:  health care, the war in Iraq, immigration reform, the ECONOMY!  I keep reading and listening and still can’t decide.  I prefer Hillary’s position on health care and the economy.  I prefer Barak’s position on the war and immigration.  If I were 30 years younger, there would be no question about what I would do … the pragmatic, savvy politician would not get my vote.   I would favor the risk-taker, the inspirational pathfinder, the brash upstart, the defiant underdog.  My world now is rarely black and white, and I see all these qualities in both of them.  I wonder how long I will stay here on the side of the undecided because I know I am not taking a stand.